Family phone list reminds us relationships change over time

Once every half dozen years or so exasperation drives me to organize and type a directory of frequently used phone numbers that I can tape to our refrigerator. Today was such a day.  I yanked down the old directory that had been a permanent refrigerator adornment since--oh, I cannot remember.  The scribbles, the crossings out, the additions and deletions had rendered it no longer decipherable.

There is nothing like an old address book or phone list to remind us of the fluidity of relationships. While most people whose numbers warranted posting on our refrigerator a few years ago have remained put, some have not.  A few moved. A few fell out of contact. Two have died.

I took the time spent reconstructing our family phone directory to reflect.  Not only did I consider the reasons some contacts no longer need posting, I considered how new contacts had emerged.  Why do people come and go in our lives?

Deleting contact information for a beloved uncle who passed away a couple of years ago brought tears.  This man, the brother of my late father, was the last living connection to a generation on one side of my family. Chances are forever gone to chat with him about his growing up years as my father’s younger brother in rural Tennessee.  Firsthand accounts of their meager existence during the Great Depression will never again come my way. Why didn’t I listen better?

Removed from our list of regular contacts is a wonderful man and father who lived only a few houses away. He died tragically a few years ago, leaving his wife to raise their three children and leaving our neighborhood with a stark void.  We came to adore this man. We miss him still.

With a heavy heart, I left out contact information for a family member with whom I was once close. I am sad and ashamed to admit that at the core of this removal was a dispute over money. Tempers flared over perceived injustices a few years ago and harsh words sealed  the fate of  a relationship broken.

Neighbors moved out over the years and new ones moved in. Among the new people  great friends have emerged. I added them to our regular list of contacts with gratitude.

Gone are a handful of my sons’ friends, not through moving, but through moving on.  My sons are now teens and their sets of close friends bear little resemblance to the sets of friends they had just a few years ago.  Children mature and their interests change, and with them taste in friends.  I smiled as I added new names.

The fresh, neat, new list hangs on the side of our refrigerator this morning. I peruse the names and cannot imagine that any will ever drop from the list .  But, if the list I just threw away is a reliable historical reference, I know they will.